Breaking Habits. Avoiding Life . . . Through Food

AVOIDING MY WHOLE LIFE THROUGH FOOD

Where to start.
What a pattern I’d created of avoiding all my feelings, all my fears . .

This morning I did the mindset exercise of practicing BEING where you are as if you have already ACHIEVED that certain goal . . . Imagining what it took to get there – what you did to get there – what challenges you faced to get there – how you feel now  . . .

.  . . And that was lovely lovely . . .

And then . . .

. . .  Immediately afterwards – all the mental stories of how impossible it would be to achieve that goal – BOM-barded me: “That goal could never happen” . . . “life’s not like that”  . . . “things don’t happen that way” . . .   “I don’t feel like doing that today . . . that sounds so boring”. . .  ‘what if we don’t do it right” . . .  ‘it’s too much to do” . . .

As each thought came along I thanked it and went back to imagining the certain goal as if was an achieved reality

. . .and the thoughts started coming ever faster

. . . and before long I was in a karate battle – ducking as they flew towards me . . .  raising my arm to block them. So fast were they coming at that point that I couldn’t keep up with the thank yous .  . .

. . . and the overwhelm stormed in
. . . with ALL the emotional feelings . . .  packing in on top of the overwhelm, magnifying the impossibilities . . .  Doing exactly what the reptilian brain is meant to do. –  Ensuring our survival!  ALL those habits and thoughts we’ve unwittingly been programming our subconscious with, now concretised in  . . .  as survival codes . . .as expediently necessary functions for daily survival . . . All put in the incredibly reliable hands of our reptilian brain . . . through repetitive thought and action  . . .  so it’s learned so well by our reptilian brain we hardly re-think  . . . they all happen automatically . . .  like breathing.

At this point I was in the kitchen, still fighting off these thoughts of impossibililtes, and holding my ground . . .  albeit weakening.

This was when the onslaught really began.  With the reptilian brain doing what it’s meant to do . . . protecting me from the dangerous unknown, and in all its earnesty it began thunderstorms and lightning.

In-habit-ed  thoughts, feelings and visuals of actions came catapulting into my awareness . . .  providing  videos and  visuals of the actions I’ve in-habit-ed to get me through  – visuals of the habits that have kept me concretised in a powerless life.  I’m talking visuals of eating junk food – visuals of opening the cupboard and putting in chocolate into my mouth   (. . .  instead of taking actions I had planned that day, towards a new life, a new me)  – visuals of vegetables floating in ghee followed up with . . . dot . . . dot  . . .dot  – visuals of hot chocolates in cafes,  driving from café to café ( . . . not taking action)   –  bingeing/dieting/food strategizing of when and where/and when next to diet and the consequently searching for ways out of all of this whilst lost in destructively negative body consciousness . . . dot . . . dot  . . . dot

A full life movie of the living moving structures that I had created as habits to help me deal with life, which were decades past their use-by-date. I’m talking habits that had become my literal structural daily garments that we all put on each day, totally unconsciously.

So alive was this in-habited structure, that when I didn’t put it on after my shower,  it’s as if everything attempted to ensure I put it on for my survival and comfort, like I’d put on a pair of shoes before I went out.

. . .  doing it’s job so PERFECTLY.

That’s why reprograming the subconscious and downloading new habits of thoughts, feelings and actions is SO imperative to creating our goals.  We can’t do it with the left brain.  Our right-brained subconscious is more than 90% more powerful than our left-brained reolutions.

Reprogramming our subconscious with structural garments that automatically create a life we love, a life of purpose, of riches we can give away we have so much of . . . is where the work is.   Painting yourself a new living art to in-habit and replace the old one that’s not working for you . . . is where the work is.